


blue sky, sea, cigarettes, and you

by ailend



Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: Angst, Drama, M/M, slices of life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-05
Updated: 2014-11-05
Packaged: 2018-02-24 05:42:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2570246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ailend/pseuds/ailend
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>when a relationship ends, and two hearts are respectably broken</p>
            </blockquote>





	blue sky, sea, cigarettes, and you

**Author's Note:**

> disclaimer: a fiction is a construction of imagined-reality.

They looked at the sky above of them, white lazy cloud dominating the blue, their hands overlapping each other as they lied down on the sands, fingers entwined in a loose hold. Masaki turned to his left and tightened his hold until the other man shifted his eyes toward him.

 

“What is it?” The man asked, eyes locked with his.

 

“Let’s break up,” said Masaki to the other man, his tone light and nonchalant, his eyes not even blinking when he uttered the words, “and then see where we will end up to.”

 

The other man reached Aiba’s soft, brown hair with his free hand, sweeping off the fringe out of the honey-brown eyes and frowned, “You want that?”

 

Aiba nodded, his brown eyes glassy. “I’m sorry, Sho-chan.” He turned his head away and lifted his other hand to shield his eyes from the burning sun light. Despite the effort to make this conversation to sound as light as possible, he couldn’t help but be broken.

 

After one silent moment where only the sounds of waves hitting the shore could be heard between them, the older man nodded, head turned back to watch the cloud-dotted sky as he rubbed the back of now his ex-lover’s hand with his thumb in a soothing manner.

 

“Okay. Okay. We’ll do just that.”

 

 

 

It had been two months ago since the break up but the scene was still vividly playing in the back of Sho’s mind like it happened just yesterday. Despite of, it seemed like things haven’t changed between them, they were still standing side by side, touching, laughing and having fun together. It was not like they are awkward with each other, too. No. Definitely not that. Because they were Sakurai Sho and Aiba Masaki together, they were never awkward to begin with, always the same crooked grins and heartfelt laughter (except for the first few months of Arashi, but that was acceptable because they were all young and awkward to each other, not knowing what boundaries they could and couldn’t overstep).

 

It made Sho wonder if they ever have a relationship to break up with, because, really, nothing had changed between them since. Or maybe something had but he didn’t notice it?

 

So he watched Aiba every now and then, carefully, so he wouldn’t get caught staring, and maybe, _just a tiny bit maybe_ , something did change between them. It was as vague as the hair-crack lines on his yellowish-white bedroom’s wall, one that required quite of concentration and strained eyes to be visible, but the cracks, _the subtle changes_ , were there nonetheless.

 

The time when he usually found those familiar honey-brown eyes directed at him with a happy glint, now there was only a glazed and unfocused one, like the happy-go-lucky man didn’t actually see him. Or the time when Aiba usually laughed his infectious, high-pitched laughter, face wrinkled with laughter lines on the edge of his full lips and big eyes, instead replaced by strained lines whenever he met Sho’s eyes. Or the much more real of slight tense on Aiba’s shoulders whenever Sho as much as brushed against him, accidentally or not.

 

These changes annoyed Sho to the point he couldn’t concentrate on his News Zero scripts and had his colleagues asking him if he was okay at the end of the broadcast. It frustrated him to have Aiba acting so indifferently towards him, _and only to him_ , but couldn’t actually bring it up in a conversation as (now he noticed their lack of communication these days) the younger man avoided him outside the work.

 

It was subtle, but Aiba Masaki definitely had been avoiding him, having 1001 excuses within his lips whenever Sho invited him for a drink, and to think that he bought those excuses had been the one that baffled Sho the most. Shouldn’t he be able to read his partner ( _ex lover_ , he reminded himself sourly) better than that? They had been together, relationship matter aside, as friends, best of friends even, for years damn it!

 

Then he started wondering about the whys. Why were they changing? Why they broke up? Why Masaki avoided him? Why he agreed to break up? Why were they together in the first place? It irked Sho to no end to have so many whys but found that he had no answers. He usually had answers for every questions, he was the one with brain.

 

But, this was Aiba Masaki, the only person whose laughter could make all Sho’s brain cells malfunctioned.

 

Then Sho watched again, carefully observed the tiny changes of their relationship, while he tried hard to remember everything that led them to this point--that had led Masaki to change.

 

 

 

Today something must have happened, Sho noticed. Today Masaki wouldn’t even spare a glance at him. Even Ohno noticed that and had subtly asked him about it. Nino also noticed this too. And with his straightforward manner, the younger man had grabbed Sho’s wrist and announced that they will get some drink. Nino dragged him to some empty room and then let him go, eyes on Sho sharply.

 

“What?” Sho asked, a bit annoyed. He didn’t do anything.

 

“Aiba is being wary of you. You tell me why,” Nino stated, the words carefully said.

 

His eyes widened. “What? Why would he?”

 

Nino contemplated of something before he settled for, “Think hard, Sakurai-kun,” and then stormed off the room.

 

_Sakurai-kun._ Sho winced. That meant the younger man was not happy with Sho, and that he must fix whatever problem he had with Masaki soon if he didn’t want Nino to start avoiding him too. The problem was that he didn’t know what was wrong with Masaki.

 

Why did Masaki broke up with him and now acted like Sho was the one who broke up with him in the first place?

 

Back in the green room, Sho watched Masaki again, more out of habit now, and hoped in vain that no one would notice him doing so. He needed time to figure things out before Jun or Ohno confronted him like Nino just did.

 

 

Sho decided that he would ask Masaki today. Although he still had questions that had no answers, this, whatever it was between them, needed to stop. Fortunately, when he reached the green room, there was only Masaki there. Sho straightened up his posture and walked his way to the younger man.

 

“Hi,” Masaki said when he noticed Sho standing before him.

 

“Hi to you, too,” Sho said as he sat down beside his ex-lover.

 

“Uh, I have to go to toilet.” Masaki said suddenly and stood up from his seat.

 

Sho quickly grabbed Masaki’s wrist and pulled the younger man back to sit. “We need to talk.”

 

Masaki frowned. “No, we don’t.”

 

Sho held the younger man’s wrist. All the things he planned to say just flew over the roof. Instead he found himself saying, “I miss you.” And there, he felt Masaki tensing up beside him, and it made him feel queasy.

 

“What are you saying, Sho-chan. You meet me almost every day. Don’t be silly.”

 

Even though Masaki tried to laugh it off, Sho could hear something holding the man’s laughter as if something had choked him.

 

“What happened?” Sho asked. _To us?_ He might not say the last two words out loud, but it left hanging in the air.

 

The taller man looked up at him but then quickly looked away again.

 

“Life happened, Sho-chan.”

 

That was the answer Masaki gave to him. It was vague and hardly satisfying for Sho, because those words could mean everything.

 

Was there something amiss before that day? And just why he agreed to break up with the younger man? What was he thinking at that time?

 

Masaki’s reply only served more questions for him.

 

 

_“Sho-chan, look-” Masaki tugged at his sleeve._

_“Later, Masaki. I need to finish this report first.” Not even a glance towards what Masaki was trying to show him._

_“Oh, okay.” The tugging stopped and Masaki left his side._

_He sniffed at the air. “Were you smoking? You know your lungs are not well,” he chided softly._

_Masaki made a face. “Right. You smoke too, Sho-chan.”_

_“But my lungs are healthier,” Sho pointed out smartly and the air between them suddenly turned awkward for a half beat before Masaki rolled his eyes at him._

_“Tchyeah, right, Sho-chan.”_

_“Sho-chan, are we going to-” Masaki opened the door to the bedroom, only to find his lover fast asleep. “Oh well then. I’ll go by myself.”_

_“You are not going with me?” He asked the man lounging on the sofa._

_“Nah.” Masaki shook his head slowly._

_“Are you-”_

_“Shoo. Your friends are waiting.”_

_If it’s not for Masaki’s smile, Sho believed Masaki was angry at him. But he shrugged off the feeling and reached the man for a simple peck on the cheek before he went out._

_“Sho-chan?” Masaki’s come into sight as he peeked inside the living room from the foyer._

_Sho typed the black keyboard furiously. “Wait a minute, let me reply to this email and we are set to go.”_

_“Oh, okay. Take your time,” said Masaki, and added a disheartened mumble, “the beach is not going anywhere anyway.”_

_“Huh, what is it, Masaki?” Sho’s turned his head to look at his lover._

_“I mean the beach is waiting for us, Sho-chan. Hurry up?” The fake enthusiasm didn’t go unnoticed but he had an important email to reply to, so he let it slip away for now. He would ask Masaki after this._

 

 

Sho remembered.

 

He remembered the times when they were together, but at the same time, not. They were not in tuned anymore—they told different stories, their interests have differed and became something that alienated them from each other unlike before, when they were-

 

_in love with each other?_

 

Was that the problem? Was that what Masaki had implied to by his reply yesterday? That they were not in love with each other anymore?

 

There was a dull kind of feeling when he tried to remember when he had stopped loving the younger man. He didn’t remember when, but-? There was another thing he felt, and he was not sure what was it and why he felt it, and on impulse, he fished out his mobile and pressed speed dial reserved for Masaki's number With a grimace, Sho noticed that he never bothered to change anything since their break up. Even one of Masaki’s favorite boxers still left inside his drawer.

 

How long had he been so stuck up in his own life that he never noticed that he had fallen out of love? And that by proxy had hurt the one man that once matter the world to him? He palmed his face. How could he be so stupid missing out on something this big?

 

//Sho-chan? Is that you?//

 

“I loved you, Masaki,” he blurted out so suddenly that he felt his heart had stopped with the confession.

 

_Loved._ His eyes widened when he realized what he had said out loud. It sounded so final even in his ears.

 

Apparently, Masaki noticed it, too.

 

//Yeah, me too, Sho-chan.//

 

But it sounded shaky and heartbroken that he wanted nothing but to run to Masaki’s apartment and engulf him in a tight hug they always shared in the past, but the line had disconnected. Only the sound of long beeping tone can be heard from the other line.


End file.
